Anger Management: A Lesson in Upleveling

Lately I’ve been very angry at the lack of options in my food choices. Just because I’ve worked the program for the last year and I’m a part of the team doesn’t mean I’m exempt from the same struggles our clients go through on a daily basis. I got off track for a bit, leaned on some old behaviors and habits that caused an undesired result.

In the last few weeks since our company wide reboot I’d created some weekly, monthly, and end of year goals for myself. I have been strictly committed to them and have been achieving. Recently my weight loss has slowed somewhat as I near my goal. This is to be expected and I understand that, but in the wake of this slow down I had noticed more and more dissatisfaction in staying compliant to the program. I was viewing my food options as limited and unsatisfying. I hated even the idea of eating another tasteless meal. Using my favorite seasoning blends or trying new ones wasn’t helping. It was getting to the point that I was avoiding eating all together. I would grab an apple or cucumber here and there when I got hungry.

As my frustration grew so did my belief that the program just didn’t work and wasn’t for me right now. I saw slow weight loss, stalls, and unexpected weight gains. My mind was in a constant state of grumpy, to be mild. I avoided journaling because I felt as though I was just whining and feeling sorry for myself. I spoke to my coach about it and they encouraged me to allow the anger to uplevel me. Well, I didn’t want to hear that either. I didn’t see how upleveling would result in physical change in this instance. (Side note: give our coaches some love! They deserve it for giving us guidance without judgement when we can’t give it to ourselves at some of our lowest moments!) My mind and my intuition were in a struggle and I didn’t even know it.

Here’s why…

Right before I started becoming so pissed about food, I really wanted an indulge meal. Less about the food and more about being in choice. I had been feeling the need to choose for myself what I wanted instead of the outlined, predetermined foods I had set for myself to reach my goals. But I ignored that feeling and stuck to my program. Because I had goals to reach and I knew the only way to do that was to stick to the program.

This mindset did not serve me. It didn’t serve me because I wasn’t taking into consideration my own intuition. My mind knew what I needed but I wasn’t listening because I had a goal to reach. As time went on it wasn’t my lack of food choices that were giving me anger, it was me ignoring what my mind was trying to tell me. And that was to allow myself some grace to choose something for myself even knowing that the result might be a stall or weight gain. Because that’s what I needed, I needed to choose me over my goal. Not allow it to take over the real reason I am doing this. ME!

So, here’s what happened next. I had had enough! I was over restricting my choices. I was going to do what I wanted because I was so over it. I ate junk foods for 2 hours. Anything I could get my hands on in my house. I won’t give you the whole list because as humorous I find that evening, it’s still a bit embarrassing how far I went with it. I ate long after I was full and felt ill for some time that night. I woke up the next morning still feeling full to my throat and my body was not happy with me. And of course, I had gained on the scale. But you know what I didn’t have? Anger. I woke up happier about my day and my food choices than I had in weeks! I looked at the fruit on my counter and didn’t want to throw it out of the window. It was like I had clean emotional slate! All those angry feelings were 100% absent.

This all because I put myself first, learned I should listen to my intuition even when it seems like it goes against obtaining my goal because ultimately my mind and body know what they need. I just need to listen. So, my advice to those who feel like they are in a struggle with their program, listen to your intuition and see if it’s giving you some advice on how to be happy and still get to your goals.